Slow Fade
by your21
Summary: Faith Series 3. Darcy slipped up when taking risque photos of herself and talking to Adams. But when her purity is stolen, she feels like it's punishment from everything she has done. Darcy struggles with her faith and purity.
1. Prologue

**This is my third installment of my "faith series". The first two were written for Hannah Montana. I had the idea to start this series by reading Melody Carlson's books. These are Christian-based fan fictions and deal with subjects relating to it. These fan fictions are not intended to convert anyone or insult those of other faiths. This particular fan fiction deals with the subject of purity. It is in Darcy's POV and will start off right after Darcy took those risque pictures of herself for her MyRoom Page and will lead up to her rape, having sex with Peter, and etc. I don't plan on sugar coating anything, nor do I plan in going into too much detail, so although this is a Christian fan fiction it is mature. Sorry for the note. Upcoming chapters will be longer, this is just a prologue. PS. Looking for a beta!**

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**The Faith Series 3: Degrassi: The Next Generation, Darcy's Story**

**Slow Fade...**

**Prologue:**

One word. It's only one word, but whenever I hear it, I want to cry. Just one word can send me into a sea of memories tainted with sin and guilt. And with those memories, I plunge into doubt. How could God let these things happen? Was it punishment for my mistakes? Did God still do that? I know the punishment for sin is death, but if we ask for forgiveness, we are forgiven. Our sin is scattered as far as the east is from the west. But, I can't help but wonder sometimes. And all these thoughts, all this pain is brought on by that one word. Purity.

When I first pledged my purity to the Lord, I never thought it would become such a huge deal. I never thought it would be difficult to remain sexually pure. Oh, sure, I knew I'd eventually have a boyfriend who'd probably try to pressure me - but I would never cave in, no, I wouldn't. I'd have the strength of God to keep my will strong. I loved God and he loved me, I wasn't going to blow that by having sex before marriage. No way. That just wasn't me.

But as we all know, things change, and our faith is sometimes challenged. Sometimes, we just slip away from God without really thinking about it. Deep down we know what we're doing is wrong, but we don't let ourselves acknowledge it. We cover our sin up with phrases like, "everybody else is doing it, so why can't I?", "It's normal and even healthy", and "all that stuff in the Bible is just symbolic. It doesn't concern me." and so forth. I was once told this is the Devil getting to you, but I really think it's just our subconscious. If we want to do something that much, we'll find a way to justify it.

Being a Christian in today's world, or any world for that matter, is never an easy task. None of us are perfect, and attempting to be like Christ in a world so corrupt...is almost impossible. I am by no means saying that all non-Christians are bad people or that those who have sex before marriage are corrupt. I'm just telling _my_ story. How I lost my purity. How some of my innoncence I gave away freely..and how some of it was stolen from me.

Purity. Those who are pure in heart shall see the face of God, the Bible says. I wonder, is anyone really pure?


	2. Chapter One

**First, I'd like to say sorry for not updating. Second, I almost didn't update this story. I almost deleted it, because I find myself struggling with some of the same things Darcy is. And well, it's a little hard to write when certain subjects (in this case, purity) are hitting a little too close to home...but I took that, and wrote. I myself am struggling with not only purity issues, but my faith in general. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy. I know the chapter is short, sorry about that!**

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**Chapter One**

Sexy. There is so much pressure to be sexy, these days. Okay, hold on, I know what you're thinking: no, there's not. In fact, you might argue, people are more focused on natural beauty. They even have plus-sized models doing covers for magazines. There's so many campaigns to love yourself just the way you are. Blah, blah, blah. But I'm talking about Degrassi, my high school. There are so many sexy girls walking around here, and well, I started to feel a little insecure.

All things considered, I was fairly popular at Degrassi. I had enough friends and people, well, they knew me. I wasn't famous or anything, but people knew I existed. It felt good. Despite all this, and despite the fact I had an amazingly loving boyfriend, I felt ugly. It was just a small feeling, tucked away safely. I had so many other things on my mind, I never gave it much though. But when beautiful girls like Manny Santos were around, that feeling came out to play games with my mind.

I see the way guys look at girls like Manny. She's sexy. She's beautiful. All the guys want her and all the girls want to be her. Oh, sure, people say some really nasty things about Manny, myself included, but it's really because we're just jealous. Sure, I don't agree with her lifestyle and I think she'd benefit from a relationship with the Lord, but… if I'm to be perfectly honest, I wanted to be her. Have what she had. I was envious.

Then there's always the comments from my fellow classmates, "why don't you show some skin?", "if you'd just do your eye makeup like this, you'd look so _hot_", and so forth. It's not like I came to school everyday dressed as a nun, despite the teasing I received. I was dressed normal. I never flaunted anything, because I was raised not to. But deep down, I wanted to.

Especially when I learned about Spinner…He had sex with Manny Santos. He was not a virgin, like I had once assumed. That was really dumb of me to assume. To hope. To ask. To believe he was like me, a virgin. Spinner was the perfect boyfriend, but I wanted him to be a Christian to. To be more like me; my ideal. So I believed the lie.

You know what my teacher at the college I attend now says about assuming? When you assume, you make an ass out of you and me.". Get it? Ass. U. Me. It wasn't until I graduated Degrassi did I really learn this lesson. But anyway, back to my story.

As I was saying, when I figured out Spinner had sex with Manny, well I experienced a lot of conflicting emotions. One, I was jealous. So unbelievably, furiously jealous. Despite popular belief, the female species does have a sex drive too and I'd be lying if I said I was never tempted when I was alone with Spinner. I wanted him, but I didn't have him. Manny did. Two, I was disgusted. Like, how could he sleep with her? What a man-whore. And Manny, in my mind, was a slut. I don't feel that way anymore, but at that moment, it's what I felt. Three, I was scared. So scared, and I cannot even begin to explain this…and hurt…like something had been stolen from me. It was almost as if Spinner had cheated on me, but this happened before him and I started dating.

The really crappy thing about it all, is I couldn't talk to anyone about it. No one at youth group would care to hear. They'd instantly criticize me for dating Spinner in the first place. And I could by no means go to my mother…so I just let those feelings stay there, unspoken.

Then one day, I started getting emails. It's all Peter's fault, that's what I told myself. He totally pimped out my MyRoom page and I started getting all these hits. And emails from this guy called Adam. He told me I was beautiful, sexy…gave me money just to SEE my pictures. I mean, how amazing is that? That's what I thought, anyway. It made me feel special and…sexy. Spinner never made me feel sexy, but this guy…it's like, I don't know. I got this sense of power from him. This sense of belonging. Like, hey, guess what? I'm just as good as everyone else. I'm hot I'm sexy. I'm no longer the sweet, little Christian girl. And it felt good.

When Peter came and took those sexy pictures of me…well, damn, I felt like one of those beautiful girls on America's Next Top Model. I was on this amazing high…

But like anything else, it all came crashing down. And when I found myself exposed, guilt came by to say "hello". I realized what I had done, and it hurt. It hurt in a way I cannot even begin to explain.


End file.
